I AM ON A BOAT

"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want."   Margaret Young

Over the past weeks I have been faced with a lot of uncertainty. All of the things I thought were right for me, are wrong. And some how all the things I thought were wrong for me, were right. How can it be this confusing when I am already in my late twenties?! (as I sit here laughing at myself) I am the first to express happiness, joy, laughter, and all the things that attracts sunshine. But lately I have been holding a lot inside. 

I really didn't want to speak up about it. Because like they say 'misery likes its company' and I didn't want to be miserable let alone bring anyone into my misery. I got so use to doing and going along with others thoughts and ideas I often forget about my own. But the truth was killing me. Finally, I pulled some friends aside and started talking. And I started to make a lot of drastic changes in my life to bring back the joy that was missing. 

I started to meditate and give thanks for the dis-ease in my life. I know what you are thinking, biatch is cray! Believe me I am thinking the same thing. But when I started to embrace the hurt it stopped lingering in the background. Obviously the unpleasantness in my life happen for a reason. And I believe this reason was for me to learn a lesson. Reality bites at times. And reality this time got a chunk of my gluteus maximus. 

I was trying to do what was easiest to do in my life. But as I started living my life that way, I started to get mentally blocked. So I promised myself I would stop taking the easy road. Life is good. No matter what it brings to me, I have the freedom to choose what to do with the things it brings to light. Life is like a boat. What are you going to do when a boat is sinking? You jump! I never want to stop learning and connecting with people. I choose now to give thanks ahead of time to the things that I dream of in my future. Making it happen doesn't have to be agonizing at all. I am going to stop fighting the feelings, stop jumping into a sinking boats and sail into the sunset with peace, joy, and happiness is my anchor.